When the run isn't fun

The longer I'm on Tamoxifen the worse my joint, bone and muscle aches get. It's hard to walk, it's painful to sit, it's exhausting. I decided to try some compression socks to see if there anything to the hype. I've got a bunch of calf sleeves, some for matching with race outfits, come for recovery after long runs. But the tamoxifen makes my legs swell more and more and when I wear the calf sleeves lately they just push everything into my feet. Last week they didn't go down for a week, it's not only painful but depressing. I feel like I'm litterally trapped in a body that no longer works right. So, trying the socks seemed like the next step. I ended up going with 110% Compression, they have a graduated compression and was going to be good for the run as well as all day for work. I tried them on today's run and they were such a big help! I was supposed to do my long run yesterday but the pain was so bad and it made me too crabby to even try. I had a little bit of a pity party going on and nothing was going to get in the way of that! But today, I decided that no matter how bad that pain, I am getting on the treadmill and giving it a try. Wearing the socks I got to mile 2 before I even checked my mileage, which was incredible. My joints still ached like hell but it was a pain that I could work with. Manageable. So with a lot of walking breaks I finished the 8 miles that I set out to do. It's just a bummer that what used to be fun, a stress release, good time alone has turned into this chore that I have to do or I beat myself up about it. The runs just don't feel good anymore, but I'm determined to keep trying and eventually they have to get better...right...hello?!